Assorted musingsTumblr (3.0; @humblemacaroni)http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/“There is no excuse for messing up plurality agreement. People who can’t get a hold on the concept are pretty annoying.”http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/post/49656841499http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/post/49656841499Sat, 04 May 2013 22:12:48 -0700quotegrammar<p><div>Jeff sits cross-legged on a pedestal. He is giving his daily speech on Zionism and the finance industry and the Illuminati and the coming New World Order. </div> <div></div> <div>&#8220;You think your vote matters? You think you have any say in what this country does? You&#8217;re not the ones lining the pockets of the politicians? Who is? Who could be but the ones who hold all the money?&#8221;</div> <div></div> <div>The bells of the Campanelle go off. That means it&#8217;s one o&#8217;clock.</div> <div></div> <div>Jeff lifts himself off of his pedestal and puts on his flip-flops. He picks up his bike and begins to walk down Telegraph. </div> <div></div> <div>A few blocks down he turns a corner. He finds his Subaru exactly where he parallel parked it two hours ago. He get in, puts his mangy hair into a chic ponytail, and buttons his shirt.</div> <div></div> <div>When he gets to the office, Jeff trades the flip-flops for his Toms. He grabs the messenger bag holding his Retina MacBook Pro from under the passenger seat and gets out of the car.</div> <div></div> <div>Jeff is a few minutes late to the meeting, by the bored looks on the faces of his coworkers. At least they had time to check up on Instagram.</div> <div></div> <div>&#8220;Hey everyone, sorry I&#8217;m late. Hope you all had a great lunch break. Who&#8217;s ready to talk about some case reports?&#8221;</div></p>http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/post/49649203752http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/post/49649203752Sat, 04 May 2013 20:24:17 -0700flash fictionshort storyhipsterberkeleyzionismilluminatinew world order<p><div>I&#8217;m lying in bed when I feel something tickle my right arm. And then again. I assume it&#8217;s nothing but swipe anyway. </div> <div></div> <div>Holy fucking nope. Black widow, next to my face. </div> <div></div> <div>I&#8217;m standing but I don&#8217;t remember how I got that way. Yay for not getting vertigo. Oh never mind, there it is.</div> <div></div> <div>We stare at each other without moving for what seems like forever. Closest I&#8217;ve ever been to a Mexican stand-off.</div> <div></div> <div>He breaks into a sprint towards the edge of the bed.</div> <div></div> <div>Not this time, pal. A well-placed Clark&#8217;s Desert Boot cuts him off as soon as he leaps off the sheet. </div> <div></div> <div>A stack of books cuts off his last escape route. I have the lighter in my hands.</div> <div></div> <div>Burn, bastard. Let your brothers see what happens to invaders.</div> <div></div> <div>Remember: I didn&#8217;t start this. They drew first blood.</div></p>http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/post/49648179052http://humblemacaroni.tumblr.com/post/49648179052Sat, 04 May 2013 20:10:34 -0700flash fictionshort storyspiders